jenzug – Page 22 – The Pile I'm Standing In

Ignite Seattle: Public Library Hacking, by Dawn Rutherford

Postcards From Yo Mama
This is one of the websites I go to when I need a five minute break to laugh my ass off. Real email and IM correspondence with mothers, and you won’t be able to stop reading!

Controversial Breast-Feeding Doll
Yeah, I think it’s a little weird – I don’t really get the need for all the accessories when all you need is a doll and your imagination. I would never buy my kids this doll.

But seriously? With the uproar? Are people REALLY saying – and I quote – “breast-feeding is too grown-up for young children — and may even promote early pregnancy.”

WHAT. THE. EFF.

I have two calloused nipples that prove breastfeeding does not romanticize having a baby AT. ALL. And sure, I GET that not all children are exposed to breast feeding and may find the whole thing a little awkward – SO DON’T BUY THAT CHILD A BREAST FEEDING DOLL.

Personally, between me and several friends who breast fed, it’s nothing that phazes Ruthie, and she pretends to nurse her dolls all the time. Not a big deal.

For your kid a big deal? Maybe. I’m not here to judge nursing vs bottle feeding.

I do, however, judge idiots who say idiotic things like exposure to breast feeding will lead to trauma and/or teen pregnancy, because, well, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

That’s funny.

One Another

We finally have a very awesome renter moving into one of our spare rooms. Our house has been empty for a long time – too long.

I love having people live with us, because our renters often become like family. We’ve had a teacher, a medical school applicant, and a pilot, among others. They share our space, and they share our lives.

The rental space is not a seperate apartment, or even a basement room or otherwise removed from the family. Our rental rooms are on the main floor, right in the midst of our lives. I can’t hide, and neither can they. We see each others’ bed head and grouchy pre-coffee moods.

Sometimes they hear Bryan and I bicker, or at least catch wind that all is not well. The teacher would ask me about it, and I would speak honestly. Eventually I would get to tell her how we resolved it – she had a front row seat to Marriage 101 for Single People.

The pilot lived with us during my postpartum plunge into depression after Thomas was born – he would often rock the baby in the car seat with his foot and quietly play the guitar while I gathered my wits.

The med school applicant lived with us right about the time I started working out my anger and control and rage issues (just read my posts from 2005 – 2006 for background on that!). She had her own issues. She got me, and we spent long hours late at night in deep conversation about woundedness and Christ’s restoration (and there may or may not have been cigarettes and cocktails involved).

Yet, despite the heaviness of these times, I remember having so much fun with these people. And despite the exciting things they were moving on to, they were sad to leave us.

In conversation I’ve had people, including some family members, cringe at the idea of having someone “in their space.” I get it. It’s not for everyone. But in this age of “building community,” and in this culture of “the Seattle Nice,” I wonder how many of us put our money where our mouth is, so to speak?

I’m not here to judge, but challenge. Consider these lyrics:

By law all are wounded
That you may know
You may know one another
(Woven Hand, “Cohawken Road”)

I am wounded, but so are you. So why should I hide my wounds? Why not embrace my own and mourn with you in yours? Our circumstances may differ, but we have more in common than you think: fear, anxiety, frustration, selfishness, and the like. And when we know each other, the joys we share in life are so much richer, knowing the struggles we have behind them.

This open woundedness is how I embrace writing, and blogging, and friendship, and community – that we may know one another. Share and listen. Pour out and encourage. Need and provide.

This is also how I treat my physical space – it is not mine to keep all to myself, but it’s been given to me for sharing. And I find when I share my space – and my wounds, and my heart – I am nourished by joy through famine into laughter.

crazy coincidence? or eerie subconscious?

bed head

This morning I woke up with a start at 6:45 when Bryan came into the room looking for a shirt. I’m usually up by 5:45 to get some work done, so naturally his question to me was, “Are you sleeping in today?”

I was groggy from the jolt, but the dream I was having was fresh on my mind (and was OBVIOUSLY trying to tell me something), so I started telling the story before I lost it.

I dreamed a man took me out to dinner at a nice restaurant, but I was waiting to get on a cruise of some kind – only I wasn’t wearing a watch and I couldn’t get my phone to turn on and I didn’t know what time the boat was leaving.

I kept telling him I needed to leave, that I had a boat to catch, but he kept telling me to stay and eat with him. Then he went to go choose a bottle of wine. While he was gone I left the table and walked down the street trying to find out what time it was, and I passed Monica from Friends talking casually on her phone as she stood in front of a door engulfed in flames.

Obviously that meant I was not going to borrow her phone, so I walked back to the table – which was located on the sidewalk, by the way. Not sure if I mentioned that part.

I continued protesting to the man that I needed to find out what time it was so I didn’t miss my boat, and he continued insisting I stay a little longer.

And then I woke up TOTALLY weirded out that my subconscious was anxious about the time.

HOW DID IT KNOW?

Start-up Mom

ruthie and thomas

The other day as I drove home from a couple hours spent at the beach I started to feel pretty satisfied with my life. Because I get kinda, you know, whiney sometimes. But after a busy morning of getting work done and a midday of running errands in the heat, we were all pretty content to float in the water for awhile.

Both the kids crashed into a coma during the ride home, so I had a peaceful drive along Lake Washington to remind myself that life’s not really as bad as I make it up to be. For instance, not everyone gets to take a two hour break at the beach in the middle of the day, you know? It’s not something to take for granted.

I was also thinking about our latest camping trip, and the last time we all flew on an airplane, and how easy it was to pack everyone up without all the baby gear to schlepp along. No strollers or playpens or bottles or even diapers! Each kid had a bag full of clothes they dragged behind them and a backpack filled with their own snacks and entertainment. For once I was carrying my own stuff through the airport.

Parenting is a lot like launching a start-up business, I realized in the car. You have wild dreams and expectations and hopes, the joy of birth, the stress and hard work and sleepless nights, the doubt and fear and failing confidence, the renewed hope and second wind, and the joy and stability of an investment well tended.

Friday Link Love

New GI Bill Offers Massive Benefits – NPR
“By 1947, the president said, half of all Americans enrolled in college were veterans. Eight million veterans who were educated under the original GI Bill, Mr. Obama added, became the backbone of the largest middle class in U.S. history.”

I did not know this. That’s pretty cool.

Mom Entrepreneur Success Strategies – Startup Princess
“If you take your kids to the pool during the day, let that be kid time. Donâ€™t take your lap top. If you answer email at the end of the day, let your children know that this is work time. If you are starting your business from home it is too easy to let work creep into every waking hour you are at home which does no service to ether your family or your business. Set clear timeframes for both.â€™”

I struggle with this lack of attention on a daily basis, and it doesn’t even have to do with starting a business! I simply let tasks bleed into kid-time, and kid-time bleed into task-time, which always ends up making everyone grouchy. This week I’ve really started disciplining myself to writing or doing other computer tasks during set times, and turning off the phone when I’m out with the kids. I find the kids are way more cooperative if they know my work time is defined, and that I won’t be distracted when we’re hanging out.

How to freeze fresh green beans – Green Beans N’ More
Green beans were recently on sale for $0.99/lb, plus I’m growing some in my garden, so I wanted to stash some away in the freezer for the winter months!

Geek Girl: A Life Story – Maya Bisineer
Maya presented at Ignite Seattle the same night I did, and we’ve become fast friends. We’ve all decided her next Ignite talk needs to be How To Pick Up a Geek Girl.

perhaps I need a nap

eyes

Last night I fell asleep folding the laundry.

(Yes, that’s right, my life is that exciting).

Around 1:30 in the morning I woke up to the distant cry, “I POOPED!” and strained against grogginess to make sense of the context. It felt like the middle of the night, yet I was hearing my son hollering at me from the bathroom upstairs.

Sure enough, he was stranded on the toilet with a dumped load of Number 2, and near hysterics that no one came to wipe his butt.

This morning I asked Bryan why he didn’t wake me up to go to bed, and he laughed. Apparently he called my name several times and physically shook my body, all with no response. And since I’m quite the angry bear when aroused from a deep sleep, he just left me there.

*cough*coward!*cough*

I honestly have no recollection of any of this, yet the other night around 2am a ringing alarm clock next to Ruthie’s bed IN THE NEXT ROOM woke me up.

Whatever. Call me fickle.

The Family Guy

playing carcassonne after dinner

Bryan works hard, and he works long hours, so spending time with the kids takes a lot of planning ahead. If he has to work in the evening, we sit down to dinner as soon as he gets home, clean up quickly, then move on to a family activity for a couple hours.

In the summer we do things like walk to the library, go for a bike ride, play games, or take Lucy to the dog park. During the school year we’ll help Ruthie with her homework or read to the kids or play the Wii – anything that engages us in an activity together as a family before Bryan descends to the office and the kids go to bed.

On the occasions that I allow myself to become disorganized or fall behind in my day or otherwise don’t plan ahead, we aren’t ready for “daddy time” when he walks in the door and those fleeting moments are squandered. Likewise, if we don’t come up with some ideas for our nightly activities in advance, we spend valuable time getting organized and deciding what to do.

It’s definitely a joint effort to maintain the proverbial balanced life, but the bulk of the effort falls on me to make it happen – I keep the trains running on time.

I often feel burdened by this role and flirt with bitterness – why do *I* have to do all the planning? why do *I* have to stick to this rigid schedule? why can’t we just be spontaneous? But when I drop the ball or get sick and chaos ensues, the value of my role becomes loud and clear – our family gets messy and disoriented and irritable when we lack intention.

We miss each other.

never a dull moment

Setup, upset, reset.

This is how I’ve come to define our life together – enjoying the moment, but not getting too comfortable in it; being thankful for what we have, knowing we may not have it tomorrow.

This is how I define it, even if I don’t always practice it. Sometimes I get greedy and want more. Sometimes I worry we won’t have enough. Sometimes I wish for The Way It Used To Be. Sometimes I wish we could do The Next Thing.

Contentment and peace is where I want my heart to be.

Bryan is joining a Seattle startup called Lilipip, and I couldn’t be happier for him and for us. At the moment I feel like life is large, the possibilities are limitless, and nothing could darken our brightly lighted world.

Setup, upset, reset.

I hope one day we’ll look back on this season and still feel the same way.

bowing before the porcelain throne

Ruthie became dehydrated twice this week as a result of the heat – and despite my constant nagging about drinking water. As she hovered over the toilet, I held back her hair and stroked her back as she heaved.

I’m not sure how I knew she was dehydrated, as opposed to actually having a stomach virus. Short of a hangover or two, it’s not like I’ve been around anyone before who was dehydrated enough to feel nauseous. But sure enough, after she hovered over the toilet for awhile, I finally gave her a tall glass of water to drink and a puke bucket to lay next to her, and sent her off to bed.

The next morning she was fine.

Someday when my kids are out on their own, I picture them dropping in on each other to share a beer and some banter from time to time. And despite how weird this may sound, I kind of imagine their relationship to be a lot like Dexter and his sister, Debra – she was always barging in on him, and giving him a hard time, and taking swigs straight from the juice carton, and bringing up memories of their dad.

Despite the fact he was a serial killer and she didn’t know it, they seemed close and I liked their sibling vibe.

Aaaaanyway…

I can imagine Ruthie barging into Thomas’ refrigerator and pilfering a beer, then flopping on the couch. As she strokes her aching head with the cold, sweaty bottle I imagine the memory coming to her.

“Hey Thomas,” she’ll say. “Remember how Mom always used to yell at us to drink more water?”

“Yeah,” he’ll say. “That was her answer for everything.”

Pause.

“She was crazy.”

Sweating like a mint julep in Louisiana

lake reflections

It’s hot. Somehow I thought if the temperature dropped below 105 I would feel refreshed, but I don’t. I just feel less hot than I did yesterday.

The house is gross because I’m too hot to clean, and we’re living out of laundry baskets because I can’t bring myself to carry them up to the second floor.

Wait, that’s not much different than any other day….

Seattle Heat Wave

record breaking temps

Yesterday it was 105 degrees. Today it may “cool down” to the upper nineties. But what I’m really looking forward to is Friday’s “refreshing” 85 prediction.

We found a shade tree at the beach yesterday and spent two hours floating in the water. But even still the kids were hot, tired, and cranky at day’s end. Today we may find something to do indoors.

Our house stays cool, considering. Until around 4pm when the sun hits my kitchen, the main floor is typically ten degrees cooler than outside, and our basement even cooler. In fact, as I sat on my basement couch in a damp swim suit with the fan blowing on me, I actually felt goosebumps on my arms.

The biggest challenge for me is to stay on top of dinner. Nobody wants to be cooking in a 100 degree kitchen at 5pm, so I’ve been cooking in the morning and serving cold dinners. In fact, I’ve been waking up at 5:30 all week to Get Things Done before 11 so we can spend the rest of the day laying around complaining about how hot we are.

Perhaps today we will run errands in our air conditioned car?

Friday(ish) Link Love

Is Orphan an Anti-Adoption Screed? – Paste Magazine
The first time I saw a trailer for this movie I rolled my eyes to the heavens and thought, For the love of Pete, WHY are we scaring people away from adoption so excellently?! But I discovered this article via @pastemagazine, and it makes a good point: “Does this girl strike you as someone who serves as a stand-in for adopted kids in general?” Also: I hate passing judgment on a movie I haven’t actually seen.

D & D Ministry – KUOW
Heard this very interesting story about a man who came to faith in Jesus Christ via the musical Jesus Christ Superstar and the fantasy game Dungeons & Dragons. I’m continually amazed how easy it is for us to put God in a box, and how able he is to break out of that box and surprise us all.

Momversation
Last night I went to a local BowlHer party in connection with the BlogHer conference in Chicago, and met Giyen, who is a panelist for Momversation. I’ve seen some of the Momversation videos around the internet, and they discuss some pretty interesting topics. But I was mostly intrigued by their production schedule for collaborating remotely on the project.

How You Doing – The Corner
I discovered an audio documentary project on KUOW called The Corner: 23rd and Union, and it’s incredible – stories told by people living in that neighborhood. I’ve listened to almost all of them (there’s more if you click on the iTunes icon), but Jean Tinnea’s story titled, How You Doing, struck a particular cord of familiarity. She’s an elderly white woman who talks about walking through her neighborhood, making eye contact with her neighbors, and saying, “how you doing.” I’ve made the same effort as I walk through the public squares near my house, and get a same mixture of responses as she does. I also got a kick out of this woman’s crackly voice saying things like, “pimps” and “gang bangers” and “the street greeting is…” I want to be just like her when I’m old.

summer weariness

Isn’t she beautiful?

I’m really struggling with this little girl right now. She is a challenge, and every day is a series of battles over things as minuscule as Please Put Your Shoes on the Shoe Rack (because apparently that’s the most unfair thing I could ask of her).

And I’m tired.

I’m tired of holding my ground, of being manipulated, of staying on my toes, of the mental challenge, of the broken record, of being late to everything because I have to spend fifteen minutes debriefing a blow-up over not having just the right dress to wear (or whatEVer).

I know not every parent is going to relate to me when I say this, but just ONCE I’d like a simple request (like, “it’s time to set the table for dinner,” for instance) to be met with, “okay mom!” But it’s not. I get drama, I get stomping, I get the The Unfairness of It All speech almost every single time.

I’m the first to admit I don’t do everything right – I lack patience and compassion, I rage, I’m controlling, I throw around a few expletives my children like to repeat in front of three-year-olds and grandmas – but I don’t let her get away with this stuff, and I think that’s why I’m so tired: I’m battle-weary.

Today I actually asked her, “Would you rather I just let you do whatever you wanted?”

“No,” she said quietly.

I thought that was a breakthru conversation, even if I did have it THREE TIMES with her today. Did I mention I lack patience? I don’t like to have the same conversation THREE TIMES in one day.

Which brings up another point, which I don’t have time to get into now. But I’m working through an essay about God’s patience toward those desert-wandering Israelites that’s cracking into some dark spaces and making me feel very tender right now, so stay tuned.

car talk

Thomas: What are we doing here again?

Me: I’m picking up the canopies our friends borrowed.

Thomas: I WANNA SEE THE PEAS!

Me: The peas?

Thomas: Yeah, I wanna see the can of peas!

—

Ruthie: Mom, is the chicken we eat the same as the REAL chicken that goes BAWK BAWK?

Me: Yup.

Ruthie: So we cook the chicken that is alive?

Me: Yes, but it’s not alive WHILE we’re cooking it.

Ruthie: [silence]

Me: How does that make you feel?

Ruthie [smiling]: Good. I like chicken!

Dinner Tonight: Italian Summer Squash Polenta Bake

yum!

I was in the bulk section at the grocery store yesterday and noticed the corn meal was 79 cents a pound, and I thought to myself: polenta! So right there I searched for “polenta” in my Allrecipes DinnerSpinner app and this yummilicious meal popped up.

I altered the recipe slightly based on what I already had on hand, plus I added chicken to make it a one-dish meal. Here’s how I did it:

Ingredients:
3 carrots, sliced
2 small zucchinis, sliced
a bunch of sliced mushrooms
1 red onion, chopped
1 red bell pepper, chopped
1 can stewed tomatoes w/ basil
1/2 can tomato paste
4 tablespoons olive oil
1 pinch garlic salt
ground black pepper to taste
1 1/2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
3 chicken breasts, saute’d and cut into bite sized pieces
1 (18 ounce) package prepared polenta*

*I started out by making my own polenta, and here’s how I did that.

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Saute carrots, zucchini, mushrooms, onion and bell pepper in a large saucepan with a small amount of olive oil. Season with garlic salt and pepper. Saute vegetables for approximately 5 minutes and pour in stewed tomatoes & tomato paste. Stir, cover and simmer until vegetables are slightly tender.
Slice polenta into 1/2 inch circles and season with garlic salt and pepper and layer the slices in a large casserole dish. Spoon the vegetable mixture over the polenta, top with the chicken pieces, then sprinkle with cheddar cheese.
Bake casserole for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and let cool for 5 minutes before serving.

So good. So comforting. So healthy. Loved it!

—

p.s. I’m testing out Google’s calendar widget for blogs, so check out my side bar to see what we’re having for dinner and also to find links to great recipes!