Category: Seen, Heard, Said

The Evolution of my Assumptions

We have two rooms in our house that we rent out because we are crazy people who like to display our imperfect humanity like monkeys at the zoo.

These rooms are not in a separate dwelling, but situated in the main part of our home. We share a bathroom, we share a kitchen, and Ruthie distributes an equal amount of love to all. Whoever chooses to enter this crazy domain is warned in advance that they will, eventually, become a part of this family.

Even if it’s through kicking and screaming.

In the past we’ve had female renters. But as it worked out, the current occupants are two single guys. One just moved in this weekend.

Knowing that single guys often cut corners in such areas as food preparation and personal hygiene, I mentioned to our newest renter that he could use our bath towels if he didn’t have any of his own.

Much to my surprise and glee, he says to me, “I have my own towels, but I’ll just use yours to keep the color scheme of your bathroom consistent.”

Who knew The Male could be so observant?

Loop Hole

Because I’ve tried to turn off the TV and do more writing and reading I’ve been a little out of the loop regarding current events. Apparently the Boeing machinists strike has ended, Peter Jennings died, and Northwest Airlines has gone bankrupt.

These days I rely on the gossip magazines at the gym to keep me informed of all the Hollywood drama, but often their copies are outdated. I’m still reading about Brad and Jen’s divorce.

Today, however, I happened across a current US magazine while on the treadmill and learned that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner were married and expecting a baby, like, yesterday.

WHAT THE — ??

Last I heard there were rumors of their relationship. Now I suddenly see pictures of her out to HERE with child and he’s packing up his poker table to baby proof the house.

I should have come up for air long ago. Is there anything else I should know about?

Quote Pile

“I know what you’re thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn’t tell jokes this is exactly what I’d be doing.”

– Chris Rock, packing food boxes in Houston for Hurricane Katrina victims.

Technology 101

My mother is good at a lot of things.

She’s a great teacher, a loyal friend, kind to strangers, and she’s the YOUNGEST seventy-year-old I know.

A computer whiz, she is not.

“Jennifer, I’m just SICK about this, but I think I erased all those pictures you sent me!”

“What pictures? I didn’t send you any pictures.”

“You emailed all those cute pictures of Ruthie and Thomas, and I just can’t find where they are on my computer.”

“I didn’t email you the pictures, mom. I sent you a link to my website. You were looking at the pictures on the internet, not on your computer.”

“Well I tried typing that website into my email but I couldn’t get it to work.”

“Into your email?”

“Oh, I suppose I would have to put that on the internet, wouldn’t I?”

The New Quote Feature!

I love it when I read or hear someone say something funny or thoughtful, but I hate it when I have no one to share it with. For this reason I have added a Quote Pile to the sidebar, and will link it to this post where I will collect them all. I can’t think of a better quote to kick it off with than one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies. Enjoy!

8/19/05
“I assure you that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair!”
— Annelle, in Steel Magnolias

8/21/05
“I don’t want to marry anyone who’s really wicked, but I wouldn’t mind marrying someone who could be wicked.”
– Anne Shirley, from Anne of Green Gables

8/22/05
“God calls us to a life involving frequent risks and many dangers. Why else would we need him to be our ezer [lifesaver]? You don’t need a lifesaver if your mission is to be a couch potato.”
– from Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul, by John and Stasi Eldredge

8/24/05
“…I opened the door to my houseboat, and I stood there a minute, and then I hung my head and said, ‘Fuck it, I quit.’ I took a long deep breath and said out loud, ‘Alright, you can come in.’ So this was my beautiful moment of conversion.”
– Annie Lammott, on the moment she became a Believer, as told in Traveling Mercies.

9/5/05
“Hey, you’re not allowed to do that when my mop is broken!”
– Jen, to Ruthie when she tossed her cereal bowl on the floor.

Late Night Conversation

Last night as I shut down my computer at 1am, the stupid Windows shut-down chime woke Bryan up (because, hallelujah, my FANTASTIC husband bought me a laptop so I can feed my writing addiction while laying in bed watching Carlos Mencia on Comedy Central).

He rolled over, concerned, and said, “Have you been up this whole time?”

“Pretty much,” I said.

“Dork.”

“Totally.”

Then we both dropped off to sleep.